Feeling Patriotic

I wore red, white, and blue, and literally ripped a tooth out of a child’s skull today. I used a wad of toilet paper and brute force. Wearing the colors, cursing like a cowgirl, and commissioning a bald eagle to replace the Tooth Fairy tonight. I feel so American.

That tooth was just hanging there, and we could see it as she talked. It made my skin crawl, so I was like, “Let’s do this.” SUPER stubborn, but we both just closed our eyes and got thru the sensation of that last tendon snapping. I feel like I can do a self-amputation if needed now.

You know, if I was wedged under a rock or something.


She took a few German friends to the American base tonight for a free carnival, concert by two ‘90s bands, and a fireworks display, repairing diplomatic relations between the two countries while nearly dressed like Wonder Woman. It’s what we do.