Shape Shifting

So, take a deep breath … our family is changing shape again.

Martin and I are currently separated.

We’ve been living apart for awhile, we’ve been open about it with our tighter circle of friends and family, but we wanted to give the kids some time to adjust, and for the dust to settle, before we made this change widely known.

I am living with a friend who lives close to my office. While Martin works to secure an apartment near our home, I drive to our house every day after work where we sit and eat dinner as a family, spend time together, manage errands, and wrap up our day together until I leave at bedtime.

So far, this set-up has worked, but once Martin moves out, I will move back in with the kids. If you ask Junior, he probably still thinks I live at home, just leaving for work super early as I sometimes did before. There hasn’t been a notable change to my social media content because we are STILL a loving and secure family, and we are working together to maintain that on a daily basis.

This decision wasn’t reached easily. There’s no hate, no addiction, no other people involved, no violence, no debt. But needless to say, this past summer, and all that’s been going on, really blew the wheels off and ruthlessly exposed a lot of things we just didn’t need to address until the shit REALLY hit the fan.

As a couple, we reached a point where our sincere best efforts to tackle our issues by ourselves didn’t work anymore. If unwavering love alone could erase past childhood trauma, and undo decades-long cycles of crippling anxiety and depression, and erase the coping mechanisms and habits created when loving and living with those things … we would be completely fine. But as you know if you’ve been in any type of human relationship, but especially in a marriage, it’s not that simple.

So, with the recommendation of our counselors, and with the loving support of our friends and family, Martin and I took this step to think, reflect, gain perspective, to work on ourselves while dismantling our marriage as it existed before, with the intent on rebuilding our relationship to be stronger and better together. Whether that relationship means continuing our marriage or moving onward as co-parents … that remains to be seen. Martin and I are clear on our expectations of each other, and how we are managing our business.

But the bottom line is this: there is so much love here, and a bond that will remain strong until the day we die. You will continue to see us in photos together, sharing our lives together with our kids, vacationing together, encouraging and supporting each other wholeheartedly. You don’t have to pick a Team Martin or Team Julie.

We’re a family.

And as we assure our children every day, there is no splitting up here. Our family is not breaking apart, but simply changing shape, and we are deeply grateful for the love and support that’s bolstered us for nearly two decades.

May it continue in so many ways as we all move forward in love and peace.