I did not have to work this weekend.
So I invited one of my co-worker’s 12-year-old daughter, Sarah, to spend the night Friday. Darlene had been saying how Sarah’s been pretty stressed out lately, and I thought both her and I could have some much-needed fun.
Funny enough, I had invited to take Sarah out to lunch and shopping Sept. 11, before all this happened, but due to the circumstances, we weren’t able to do anything. But this Friday, we did.
We stayed at my apartment and watched movies, baked brownies, cookies and banana bread, painted our toenails…it was pretty cool. I also gave Sarah a journal and told her to start writing in it. I also showed her the journals I had from when I was 14. It was pretty interesting to read all those entries again, and to think of how much has changed since that time.
The next day, after I returned Sarah to her home, I drove the three hours to Martin’s house, despite the reluctance from my office chief.
The whole area is still pretty uptight about travel, with good reason, but they weren’t prohibiting it, and besides, I had a bridesmaid dress to deliver and damn it, terrorists and fear were NOT going to stop me from seeing Martin and his family again.
Unfortunately, though, I didn’t realize how on-edge I was….at one point during my drive, I noticed this single-engine plane going straight down onto the highway. There was nothing but trees and a gas station on my left, but my body instantly exploded with nerves and I slowed down, just waiting for this plane to slam into the gas station, it was THAT low. But what I didn’t know was there is an airport behind those trees and the guy was just landing. But it did give me a good scare. I called Martin immediately on my cell phone, just to calm down. Looking back, I realize how stupid my reaction was.
Targeting a gas station on the side of a highway is a waste of time and energy and wouldn’t ‘say’ anything to the world. But the fact that I DID have that reaction made me realize that I needed to reassess how I really felt about all this.
And after my weekend, which was so full of fun and good moments, I decided that I’m not going to keep this anxiety with me. It’s not going to be easy, but it is getting better.